Regrets
by Pyromaniacal Llama
Summary: Sirius Black thinks about the mistakes he's made in his life.


Disclaimer: I own Harry Potter (and Sirius Black!!!!!!!) in my dreams but not in reality ::Sigh:: I just own Maria.  
  
Authors Note: I posted this before but no one seemed to like it so I made some changes and here is the new version. If you haven't read Prisoner of Azkaban then don't read this.  
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Regret  
  
It is something we all have.  
  
No matter how young or how old.  
  
What if I had done that...?  
  
What if I hadn't...?  
  
Would the world be better...?  
  
Or would it be worse...?  
  
But these questions can never be answered.  
  
I have only two regrets in my entire life. But they are the worst kind, because they took lives.  
  
The three people that I cared about most were taken from our living world because of me.   
  
I did not directly kill them. I just made the wrong decision and the consequences were high.  
  
The pain from those losses is almost too much to bear. But I go on, trying to cope and live my life, as I know they would have wanted.  
  
My first regret took the lives of my best friend and his young wife, Lily and James.  
  
I betrayed them, it's my fault.  
  
How could I have trusted Peter? I could have been their secret keeper. But I was scared. Scared of myself. Scared that I would let them down and Voldemort would find them. But that happened anyway.  
  
James thought that if I did not want to be the secret keeper then Remus should have been. But I didn't trust him. Because I knew that Voldemort had tried to get Remus on his side, but he never told us.   
  
I know now that he was too ashamed to admit it. But then I actually thought that Remus could have been a Death Eater.  
  
So we chose Peter take the job. I thought it was a perfect bluff. Why would the Dark Lord want someone as weak and talentless as Peter working for him? But I was wrong. Peter's weakness made him a perfect Death Eater. No one would suspect him and he would do what ever Voldemort told him to do.  
  
Only a week after the charm was performed Voldemort came and Lily and James were gone forever.   
  
But Voldemort was defeated that day, by their infant son Harry. He survived because Lily's love for him blocked the curse that would have killed him.   
  
So my mistake led to Voldemort's defeat.  
  
But my other regret had only bad come from it.  
  
It happed just a month before.   
  
That decision killed the woman I love, Maria.  
  
She was so young, her whole life ahead of her, but now we can never know what would have happened.  
  
I had known her ever since I had started at Hogwarts. We were friends from the beginning, always pulling some kind of prank. But in our seventh year, we fell in love.   
  
After we graduated both of us became aurors, to stop the conquest of the Dark Lord. Two years went by and I asked her to marry me. She said yes. We were going to be wed in the spring.  
  
Then the worst happened.   
  
We were assigned to go to Wales to capture a Death Eater that had been hiding there. He was not very powerful so we weren't worried. Then it was revealed that Voldemort was after the Potters and I had to stay to help with the spell being used to protect them. We could have done the spell later so I could go on the mission. But, I thought Lily and James were in more danger than Maria would be if she had to go solo. So Maria left alone.  
  
And a week later I was told of her death.   
  
Apparently Voldemort was with the Death Eater she was supposed to find. Maria didn't stand a chance. At first I could not believe it. But, slowly the truth sank in. I realized how much I had lost to Voldemort and I swore revenge.   
  
Of course Harry took care of that for me.  
  
I still wish that I had gone with Maria. Then I might have been able to hold Voldemort off till she had escaped. I would have died but as long as Maria lived I would be alright.  
  
But I can not go back there. Those deeds are done and the outcome is final.  
  
And my dear Maria is dead.  
  
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Well there's the new and improved version. I hope yal thought it was better if you read the last one. This seems more personal. I always thought that Sirius had a serious girlfriend, So I came up with Maria. If you didn't like it then please tell me why cuz I wanna make this really good. If I get enough good reviews then I'm gonna flashback to when Lily and James died & when he was on a mission with Maria. Bye yal and I hope you liked it.  
  
~Rayne~ 


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